You're walking ....

I was in the room with mom and Sean and cousin Mike. The room wasn't the same as it is in present day reality but it was a hospital room none the same.

Mom got up and walked out of the room and I was so flabbergasted that I kept bugging the guys about it, "Why is mom up? Why is mom walking? Didn't you just see her walk out?"

They both looked at me and were like, "yeah, so, and" - I am sure it was a bit different but that is how I remember their body language.

I walked to the door and as I opened it to go see where mom went, she was walking back through it. I asked her how or why she was walking and she said something, of which I can't recall, but she looked at me like I just grew a third head and had lost my mind.

It was so brief a dream segment but it stuck with me long enough .... with mom, for real in a hospital, walking not even an option, I think I just wanted it bad enough for her that I had to dream about it.

Parents Nightmare

Perhaps it is the angst over work, perhaps it is the constant fear in the back of my mind that in a "tomorrow" the world and freedoms as we know it will end -

Last night was another bad one - a fear and pain -

The images have fuzzed over but the message was clear :

All was well, it was me and my daughter, we were having a lovely day playing together in some strange place I'd never been. We'd discovered a hidden alcove underneath a board walk. As the day went on, we seemed just fine then suddenly a group of men appeared. They appeared in mass as a matter of fact after we were coming back outside from lunch. They took us all hostage and threatened to kill us if we didn't obey, there was a large group of us now hostage.

I remember 4 of us, my daughter and I and another mother and her child breaking left, heading to the board walk to the safety in the confines of the alcove we'd discovered. I remembered they chased us. Strangely, I was far from the area, a spectator observing 4 running figures but I knew the two in front were myself and my child. I could hear us screaming as we ran, forcing us to move faster, each to go forward, to head for secret shelter.

I could see an attacker closing distance although we dared not look back. At once the boards above gave way and they grabbed a head of blonde ponytail - the other little girl. I felt torn as I watched them pull her through, like I should go on but I knew our cover would be blown and somehow we ended up with them.

A man had made a deal with them, and then it left just us two. I feared for what they planned to do to me and my child. I remember the man taking my foot and placing it on a table, he then picked up a bat - I imagined in my head the pain as I looked down at my foot - I felt the fear even as I slept.
Something must have shifted because he leaned close to me and said "You may want to hold onto this" and handed me the bat. I grabbed my child and we headed to another place, another room, we were being placed on a boat but it was not large. It reminded me of a paddle boat. An over-sized canoe too.

I remember as we were trying to board this thing, my daughter ran to grab a ring for me. I am not sure why but she turned to look at me and it was her perfect face and perfect hair that I see everyday in the living state - she looked angelic and I couldn't bear to let anything happen to her.

We boarded and I took my place in the boat, at first behind her then near her and afraid of my size to tip the boat - it was the first time in my dream that I observed my body size - I never have.

It felt like we had a plan and as they prepared to launch, I had to look at another ring in a bin and the one she gave me no longer there. I remember the look of pain on her face - the ring was gone that she chose. I found though, after a few, a pink butterfly and it fit on 2 of my fingers together, it seemed to soothe a small bit of her disappointment.

A man came to the release door - which was a screen door of sorts - he was wounded. HE handed over something to someone at the gate - I asked what had happened, my fear gripping and thickening my throat - he looked at me and said what do you think - he was missing part of his right arm - the whole of his right arm actually - it had been chopped off by the group that had taken us hostage.

He ran off then, he and a group of people, one had a baby in a carrier sack on his back - I could hear voices taking up behind them as they tried with great effort to escape - we were about to shove off into an open sea face when I awoke -

I was confused and frightened and so glad when I heard my daughter holler from downstairs about the dog who was likely trying to eat her breakfast as she sat on the sofa - I kissed her when I came down, the fear still thick in my throat. I had to feel her warm flesh under my lips so that I could remind myself that she was indeed okay and no one had taken us both away .....

Troubled

I was in a car with my son. We were either hit by another car or hit a patch of slick ground that sent us careening out of control. I saw the lake coming and knew what was going to happen; we were going to be submerged!
"Relax when we go into the water, I know it will be hard", I hurriedly told my son. As soon as we hit the water, it felt unreal but before panic could set in, he was out and swimming to the left to safety. I was not far behind him.

Later in the dream, I was dreaming (again) and a sudden sensation of an unwanted spirit entered. I recalled the advice of a friend that by calling to Archangel Michael three times to come and guide the spirit away; he will come to my side and help me. I knew this consciously as well but in my dream, I called out for either St. Michael or St. Anthony (unsure) 3x to come and help me with the heavy presence.

On the third call, the halls echoed with a growl from the unseen force. It spooked me to the core. The house shook and the voice seemed so cold and angry. I called out again for this spirit to be guided away and again the same anger shouted out in an invisible recoil. The spirit did eventually leave and I can't recall much more but to date, that has yet to happen.

Shortly after this dream, as I was slowly coming awake, a heaviness did come into the living room and I didn't wait for it to "Be Complete". I called on St. Michael to come and carry away the unwanted guest and on the third call, thankfully, there was no growling!

Disturbing

It isn't often but it is sometimes and it is always disturbing ......

*We're Going to Kill You*

It was dark, it felt like twilight somewhat. I had gotten out of my car for something, it was an unknown reason. When I came out of the wooded area there was a man standing at the end of the dusty pathway. I saw him almost immediately. He was younger, shaved or very short haircut, holding something long in his hand.

I looked beyond him and saw him another two or three fella's. It all felt very unsafe. I turned to go get my car and it was gone. Another man appeared. "Where is my car"? I asked the guy as I tried to go around him. I had left it running; I was still unsure why I had gotten out of the car to begin with. As I rounded the pathway, I saw that my car was hood first into the lake or some body of water.

I turned around and the next image I see is me on the ground looking up at the guy with the long thing in his hand. He had on a grey sweatshirt and the darkness behind him was only slightly illuminated by the last of either sunlight or moonlight behind a passing cloud.

"We're going to kill you", his voice echoed in my head. I had hoped all his mob of men was going to do was rape me at best, at worst. The five words weren't processing at first but I can tell you, it was fear. Fear was welling inside me. Fear kept me pinned to the ground. I never screamed when that first hit came.

In my real life, I felt my body shift and shut off. It was like a disconnect because my dream self never felt the hits that came bashing down on my flesh, repeatedly in anger. I never tried to stop him. I realized at one point that I had a cellphone. I hoped and remembered in my head that if I dialed 911 and left it upside down in the brush next to me then the police would know I at least died, I at least had attackers.

I kept fumbling with my phone in my right hand. The attacker never noticed. I distinctly recall trying  to hit the phone button on my touch-phone and hide the light. The hits kept coming.

Someone in the darkness yelled "who called them"? and I tried to look beyond the attacker. I saw two more cars pull up and the night illuminate with headlights. The police arrived and before I even dialed 911. I don't  remember any more hits pulsate against my flesh, instead, I tried calling for help, hoarsely and repeatedly.
I called and called until I think I finally woke up.

Falling into Oblivion ... Almost

I am  not going to dither on details that have been a few weeks removed and even as fresh as 24 hours passed. I am merely going to lay it here in evidence that twice now, I have dreamt of a portal appearing in my dream.

The first time it appeared it was behind a picture. A group of us were aware of its presence and moved the picture from its place on the wall. I remember thinking of the excitement of finally going "down the rabbit hole" and wondered what awaited on the other side.

For another reason, we put the trip off for the moment and replaced the painting over the hole, saving it for another time.

Then again last evening, no time frame given, I am unsure of how long the dream lasted.

I was packing an over the shoulder sling bag with a change of clothing for I knew that to have an extra set of clothing would be a welcomed and wise idea. Someone with whom I spoke also thought that a good idea. I absolutely remember thinking that the bag would be rematerialized wherever I ended up.

*note: I am currently involved in the 4th book in the Gunslinger Series by Steven King and this may lend to the sudden appearance of "port holes" in my dreams. What it doesn't account for is the child-like hysteria of elation that accompanies the knowledge that to pass through these portals as I dream will forever change how I dream. Maybe that is why I have yet to pass through one "consciously".*

Vicodin Dreams

I was sitting in a four door car, kind of beat up. I was waiting for someone to call my name and I was suppose to get out of the car to cross the lot. The sun was shining warmly in the sky. My son was nearby, sitting in the car next to me. I looked out the passenger door window and saw my Aunt Linda and Uncle Chuck. I remember thinking how strange this is, that they are here. That was a long flight for them to come to where we live, why would they even fly that far?

I look at my son, "They didn't call my name"? He looks at me in response, "I told you to slow down" echoes in my ears as the words come from his mouth.

"Am I dead", I ask him?

"Yes", you died" was his response, dead, flat, parent-like. And then I seem to follow a path with he and my husband and my daughter. I am looking at the top of the X we drive. "I need to know how it happened", I keep saying to myself silently. I follow the car longer, the same color, the same shape, the same car as real-life.

My husband puts his hand on the roof and the car bends funny, like it sinks into itself (Matrix) and he speaks without my ever seeing him, "You were turning here, too fast". I look at the green pastured corner that bent with the road.

"Did it flip"? words fall into nothing but silent air. I never got an answer but then I am very much alive again and driving in the car with them. We were headed somewhere, I cannot recall the rest but it went on for awhile.

LATER after I awake to go to the restroom......

I am in the same hospital that I always encounter in my dream. Maybe not the same, same but the one that most often appears in my slumber. It has 19 floors, a huge glass entryway, too many corners to turn and too many doors to go through. If I go through the wrong door I end up in a mall of sorts then I have to back track and find the right door again to go back into the surgical suites. It was nearing the end of the day and I was was suppose to leave.

I wasn't dressed any longer in my work clothing but street clothes. I stumble into an operating room where friends of mine were. They needed a hand. There was an infant on this cold slabby thing that was round on the top and he was balanced on it. Someone in the room looked at me and handed me a plastic wrap, draped it across my arms.

"Are you ready for him", he asked me with an authoritative but inquisitive tone, "Don't drop him when I hand him to you". Instantly, he was handing this 6-8 month old to me and I nearly dropped him. It was like my arms just gave out. His head dove down first then his feet, someone caught him and I nearly dropped him a second time.

I collapsed to the floor on my derriere, trying to cradle the child as the OR staff readied itself. I kept repeating to myself that my hands don't work so well anymore. This little bundle of happiness seemed to age in my hands from a newborn swaddled with the residue of his mother's womb to a smiling, toothed blue-eyed boy with a short hair cut.

Brian had come in and took the boy from me but not before I had held his fingers and cooed at him. He smiled an angelic grin in my face and reached his hands to mine, then reached a hand and grabbed my face. I cooed some more and thought about how wonderful this must look from a far, how much I loved this child I'd never met.

I left the room after I handed the child over, trying to get to the elevator was another story entirely. I must have waited for that elevator for an eternity. It was on permanent "Going Up". I got into the elevator with faces I didn't recognize and I guess was suppose to hit 4 or 6, maybe 8 or 9 but I never did. The last time I looked at the elevator, I'd realized it had passed whatever floor I had wanted to get off on and it was headed, a long way up, to the 19th floor.

I got off in the middle somewhere, I didn't want to go to the 19th floor. A man and woman had gotten off ahead of me on whichever floor we were on and held the elevator going to the floor we needed. I thanked them and climbed into whatever I was driving. It was night now. I was going on a straight away in a busy city, reminded me of the city lights of NYC or Tokyo that depict, hustle and bustle but with a suburbia flair because there were shops. I see an ambulance in my rear view mirror and know I need to move out of the way but I was making a left hand turn up ahead.

Suddenly and silver sports car darts across the traffic, hits another car and flies through the air. It hurls itself backward and I covered my eyes from the bright sparks that were flying. In the midst of this, I recall, I must have been on the phone with Sean except there was no phone in my hand. We were talking though. As the vehicle careened past me, I hear him say "I just got hit". He was in the flow of traffic in the opposite direction and that car heralded itself into his that was stuck on the road (reason unknown).

"I'm okay but you should call Crissy because you need a copy of the front page of the Newspaper", his voice spoke.

"Why", I asked him, obviously dazed and confused.

"Because they captured your car in the same shot when this car hit mine" and that was the last thing I remembered.

LATER, Again.....

Bits and pieces but I was sitting in the pediatrician's office and she had my son's chart. She was flipping through it and she told me that they wanted to keep him overnight for observation. I remember asking her was it because of his history of rhabdomyolysis? She answered yes.

A Moments Beam of Glitter Gleams in Crimson Beads ...

For there were just  a moment when sanity crested the brink of acceptable and he had lost his restraint. The blood lay in small pools slowly growing in larger size. The breath and life leaving in gasping breaths of shock and surprise. He walks as if nothing had occurred; I stared in disbelief for to say but a word would surely guarantee the same fate on my behalf.

The doors opened as the dusky evening blanketed the world outside the threshold. He glanced back one last time and reluctantly I followed with knowledge and pain freshly etched into my spinning mind. My mute discussion of this lifeless body was spoken in that last glance. I passed the warmth of death that lay in dark haired tendrils refraining from looking at her eyes one last time. If I chose to do so, my silence may not be upheld.